The rodent hunt...

Have you ever been part of a “rat hunt”? I mean, not in any jungle or deep forests. In your own house? Have you tried chasing a rodent away? A big fat one at that? I have witnessed this in my house when I was in class VIII. My father was the protagonist.

It was around 10:00 PM and we had done with our dinner. My siblings and I were sorting our books for the next day school and my father was finishing up with his office work. Unusually, my mom had hit the bed early that night. Both my siblings, my father and I were in the living room of the small but beautiful house in Chennai. My mom was in the bedroom. Suddenly, we saw a creature cross the hall in between my sister’s legs jumping across my brother’s books. When we realized what it was, the screams and the mini-marathons started. My sis climbed up on the sofa; my brother on the dining chair. I was prancing around frantically not knowing where to land. My father got up from the chair and the first thing that he did was - latched the 2 bedrooms and opened the front door. All this he did jumping across the mess of books on the floor, making sure he does not stomp on the poor rat. The sight was hilarious, to say the least. Me being the brat of the house, kept giggling at this sight. I guess that must have irritated my father more.

He took a long, fine stick (an antique asset in the house) and started attacking the rat. I think he first wanted to chase it away via the front door. The rat was going in circles. It would go near the exit and immediately take diversion into the hall again. This happened for about 30 full minutes. Whether the rat was tired or not, my father was absolutely exhausted. Then an idea struck him. He asked me to get the insecticide which is used to kill insects and roaches. I promptly fetched that for him. My siblings were still atop their perch. My father hit the spray fierce fully on the rat. It started moving slowly now but did not give up the race. My father, who had followed non-violence until that night, switched to violence in that one hour. He started poking the rat whenever it went to a corner of the room in its dizziness. In fact, he kept stating “you die, you die…I will kill you…you stupid beast”. All this, made the 3 of us laugh more hysterically. Do you think the rat died? No way!

At this point, the night watchman who does his rounds around this time saw that the lights were on in our house and it was so noisy at that hour. He stepped in to give some unsolicited advice. Very casually, he said “Why don’t you pour water on the rat? Usually rats faint when water is poured on them.” We also like dumb-fools, immediately cleared the floor of our books and brought in buckets of water and splashed on the rat in those odd hours. Whatever little dizziness, the rat had due to the spray, the water-treatment cured that and the rat started running more energetically now.

Finally, after about one and a half hours of violent chase, my father managed to send it out of our house! Phew!! Wait – all was not over! Throughout, there was this soul from the bedroom, which kept asking us what was wrong and why she was locked up. We just said that there is a huge rat and we are chasing it. That was all! When we opened the bedroom at about 11:30 PM…guess what we saw?! There my mom was… shivering and standing on the cot, lest the rat would enter her room!!! That was the best hilarious sight I have seen till this date!

Anyone asking what can a rat do? It can cause a rio(a)t!

Surprises...sky is the limit!

Have you had surprises in life? No. Not the nasty ones. I guess we all have our own quota of those. I am referring to the pleasant surprises. You know what the word “surprise” means? Astonishment? Revelation? And all the positive synonyms of the word rush to my mind when I think of the one that I received for my birthday last, as a gift from… none less than my darling hubby.

Usually, we have the midnight 12 O’clock birthday surprises where I get loads of gifts ranging from tangibles to intangibles…varying from dresses to jewelries to cakes to cards…This past birthday was different! Also, when the day dawns I look forward to my mom’s wishes first. I always think that I owe every birthday of mine to her and am quite sentimental about that.

My last birthday…I waited with bated breath for 12 midnight. The excitement was too much! I was assuming there are gifts tucked around every corner of the new villa we moved into recently. To my dismay, there were no wishes, no cards, no gifts, no messages, no mails…I was so troubled. I slept to hide my disgruntlement. Next morning, while still in bed, I was wondering why my mom did not call, my hubby did not wish, my relatives did not bother…As I was pondering, there was a knock on my door…

Now you should know some background to follow the rest of the story. I have been brought up in a very orthodox culture and my hubby, just the opposite of it. He hated any of our rites and rituals. He discourages religious sentiments, beliefs, practices and the “must-do”, “must-follow” culture. He is more of a free thinker and does not even believe in idol worship. We have these mini-wars waged at home all the time. Though I have been brought up in an orthodox culture, I am very tolerant and strongly feel one should not be fanatic about anything. Hence the wars at home used to reach some heights when both forces oppose strongly on some contention!

And since ours was a love marriage, we always used to support the spouse within our own families though we fight with each other for little, trivial stuff ourselves! That is love, you see! J

Back to my last birthday…I was pondering deep on why the whole world pretended to have forgotten that I was born on that day! The knock at the door stopped my thoughts. And who enters my room at 7 AM in the morning you think? It was my MOM! I could not believe my eyes. I instantly started weeping. Just as I tried controlling my tears of joy, my brother was behind her! Then my sis-in-law with both their kids!! My tears were rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably now!! Then enters my sister, her hubby and her 2 children. Now all this happened in less than 10 minutes. I went crazy crying. The photos could tell you stories. There I was crying and all my near and dears laughing their hearts out!

Wait! That is not all. We had just moved in to our new house and we were waiting to do the house-warming with some rituals as I insisted that I wanted it that way. My hubby was not for it but he was contemplating if he should really please me.

My mom asked me to peep outside the balcony. And, I saw that there was a huge canopy put up outside our house! She ordered me to stop crying now (maybe they were tired?) and go and have a bath. And so I did!

Once I came out dressed, she asked me to step out to see what arrangements were made. My heart almost stopped beating when I saw what was getting ready in my own house. I did not even dream that this would happen. Yes. The entire setting was changed to reflect a typical orthodox house and the ceremony was about to begin with flames of fire being invoked to start the holy rituals. Not an exaggeration…but I could not breathe!

On top of this, he had made secret arrangements and flew my friend down from the neighboring state. She is the one and only CLOSE friend that I confide in. And there she was smilingly waiting to see the surprised look on my face.

The rest of the day went by in smaller and larger surprises. Nothing to beat this birthday of mine and nothing to challenge the depth of surprises that I received that day! I think I will remember this day until the end of my life…

Now whenever I fight with this darling devil of mine, the whole house goes (I am in a joint family)…”don’t forget your last birthday…don’t forget how your hubby has ‘adjusted’ his policies to arrange for all those things he never believes in just to surprise/please you…don’t forget….” It goes on…

I am stumped by his love for me! And also by the kind of things he can do without my knowledge!! I better watch over, yeah?! J

In different States…in different states…

Noticed the capitalization of the proper noun and the common noun of the word “states”? Before you guess what this post could be about let me clear any air…this is about my travel to the US that lasted 2 weeks. No, no…not a boring travelogue…but just my mental conditions before and during the journey as I travelled across…

The itinerary was crazy. I had to visit 4 groups of customers across the East Coast and the Central US. Not being a big time travel buff myself, I was kind of half-hearted about this entire agenda. Checked if I could drop a couple of places but as luck would have it, I could not change much on the calendar. L

In a jiffy, would just cover up the places I visited and the routes. Hopped on to the flight from Chennai-Heathrow-Boston-New York-New Jersey-Chicago-Iowa City-Chicago-Indianapolis-Boston-Heathrow-Chennai! Huh!!! Tired, already? Imagine my condition…

Leaving 2 kids and a loving hubby back in India, boarded the flight in a ‘state’ of depression thinking about the temporary separation. Though I think they were rejoicing about my absence?? I could see that naughty smile on my hubby’s face and that mixed emotions in my sons’. J Such separations are blessings in disguise. We understand the need for our space and start falling in love with each other all over again!

From Heathrow to Boston, I was throughout traveling in a ‘state’ of expectation. What will my customer want to hear from me? What is my team waiting to understand from me? What will be the perception? What should it be once I complete my visit? How will I achieve this? How will I present the status to the customers? Too many ‘whats’ and a few ‘hows’…

Being a foodie and only a strict vegetarian at that, my next ‘state’ was that of hunger. Will I get food today? Indian? Vegetarian? On time? Forget tasty…just something that is edible!

Boston treated me well. Rather, I should say, my teams treated me well all across. I was hosted for a few luncheons and a few dinners. Awesome, man! I really know what our food means to each of us! From that ‘state’ of tummy-needs fulfillment, then my ‘state’ moved on to that of boredom. What will I do over the weekend? No family…no friends…what do I do?

My boss and my peer came to my rescue. They offered to take me around the city of New Jersey. Needless to say it was so much fun! That wish also fulfilled… I was now in a ‘state’ of mission half-accomplished.

I still had a week to go. Moved on to the ‘State’ of Iowa and had a hectic schedule there too…what with 10 team members to talk to and 5 important meetings in just over 2 days?! But this was thoroughly revealing and immensely useful. By now, I was in a ‘state’ of skepticism. Will I be able to complete the rest of my meetings as planned before I get back? Will I accomplish the targets set out?

I did! Changed the schedule a little bit to accommodate a couple of meetings in Indiana. Around this time, I was rest assured that the trip has been near successful. But the best is yet to come! I had to meet one of the key customers in Boston and that too on the day I planned to leave to India.

That was the climax meeting and it went on all too well. But by now along with a complete sense of accomplishment, I was also pushed to a ‘state’ of exhaustion. I think the trip had started working on me! I started feeling like a zombie and dizzied! What brought back the energy in me was the feeling that I am going to be back with my family in the next 24 hours…

I wrote this post as I am waiting to board my flight back to Chennai. Now, I know, my mental ‘state’ is that of the excited one! Can’t wait more to be back with ‘my’ family, ‘my’ team and eat ‘my’ food, in ‘my’ own India…

I am happy that I am returning to the ‘State’ of Tamil Nadu…J

Unfulfilled dreams of a common man…

My childhood remembrances of my handsome-looking father are still fresh in my memory. I guess it will stay that way as long as I am alive. He used to tuck me in between his arms as he goes to sleep and treat me as a cushion! I was the only relatively chubby and plump child of my 3 siblings. And hence I got treated as the “pillow” for my father!

He was a man of principles. First son in a family of 6, from the time he was 13, he started shouldering quite a few responsibilities. He had an older father and an younger mother. His siblings treated him as Demigod. He was the one who had to raise them and tend to their needs.

He did that well and kept them under total control. To the extent, he used to sign the report cards of his siblings ever since the age of 19!

He had been a man very closed…a man who would not even confide in my mother. She loved him dearly and still loves him after 12 years of his death. But for some reason he kept to himself, especially his worries. He graduated when he was 19 and took up a job.

When my father brought my mom home after their marriage, my mother still says that she was shocked to see the poverty in the house. A small, petite house was the nest of 9 adults! The determined and enterprising woman my mother has/had been, she immediately made up her mind to support him until the last. And, she did!

He wanted to pursue his Chartered Accountancy. He failed many times. As many as 10 times? Or may be more? But with perseverance he completed his ACS. And he did get a decent offer from one of the best companies at that time. By then he was 32. Then his climb started.

His other interest was theatres. In fact, he kind of injected that passion of his, onto all his 3 children. He was an amazing theatre artist who never got a professional break in theatres. He also was quite talented in script-writing. Looking back, I am simply amazed at what passion can do for a man!

So, with a demanding personal life filled with monetary challenges and sibling worries, he had to manage his professional life and also feed his passion. But not for my mother, I doubt if he would have been so successful.

He had a huge fan-following in his professional circles. He was elected President in the same institute for ACS professionals - the exams of which he failed so many times. Isn’t that a superb feat? He also started conducting classes for aspiring ACS students.

The biggest downside was, as much as he worked for in professional life, he never heeded to nature’s signals on his health. He was disciplined and had no bad practices. However, as my brother puts it, he also did not have any good practices. He never used to work out. He soon was diagnosed diabetic. He was 45 then!

By this time, his siblings had more or less settled though they kept looking up to him for any of their own personal/professional life hurdles. But at this stage his children became his source for worries. We were good children but life played havoc in my sister’s marital life. My brother was not inclined in academically qualifying himself. And, for myself, I did the most daring thing of finding my life-partner which was a huge shock to my father. He had been an orthodox person all through and I had chosen a person he could not agree to. Though eventually he gave in and liked my choice, the initial days were filled with trauma both for me and for my parents.

At the age of 56, he was diagnosed with kidney failure. Both his kidneys had failed. It was my mother’s sheer grit that he pulled through for 2 years from there on. He was in a pretty sad condition but what kept him going at that stage of health was the fact that he had gotten an offer to do a TV soap for one of the good theatre groups of that time. Sometimes, this sets me thinking…why did he not get this opportunity when he was full of verve and energy?

He died at the age of 58, on the way to the hospital!

He always wanted a life where he would not worry of any domestic issues, monetary challenges, siblings' problems, children’s future…he wanted to reach the pinnacle of his career as the CEO of a decent-sized firm (he quit at 56 when he was the Senior VP)…he always wanted to be a professional theatre person…he wanted to play with his grand-children….he wanted to drop them at school, pick them up, help them with their homework, teach them all the prayers that he knew! In a nutshell, he wanted a successful career and a peaceful retired life.

But why did God choose to give him everything partially? We, at home, know for the fact that he did not deserve to die that young and incomplete! Can we complain?

Ask (stupid) questions!

I remember being hushed in classes ever since my IV or V grades for asking questions that are ‘silly’. I have not stopped asking questions though. I had (and still have) this problem of asking whatever questions that come to my mind when a particular subject is being discussed. Many have advised me not to exploit my ignorance in public. But with every question’s answer sought, doesn’t that ignorance die away that moment? I have never felt shy of being ridiculed for my silly queries. I can’t remember admonishing my stupidity even once after asking a question.

There are also funny questions that I ask for which I really got teased by my friends and family. For example, in a textile store, to the salesman, many times I ask while purchasing clothes, “Will this cloth long last?” or “Will the color bleed out of the cloth?”. My hubby used to cross-question me once outside the shop, “What did you expect the salesman to tell you? Yes Ma’m, this cloth is the most horrible one you could select. It will tear the moment you bill. It will look bleached just after your first-wear and wash?” For which, though I would secretively laugh (but not feel embarrassed) at myself, I would quickly cover that up and say with a serious, straight face, “You see, when we ask such questions, the sales guy would know that I cannot be fooled. He will think that he has an alert customer to handle”, showing that proud grin but looking away from my hubby’s eyes, for I am sure that he would give such a sarcastic and a strong look which will discourage me from asking any questions in life to anybody after that.

Coming back to the main topic of discussion… in India (I can’t talk about other countries as much), right from one’s childhood, we are mocked for asking questions either because they are considered as not good manners or because the questions are silly. This kind of upbringing leaves Indians silent for most part of any transaction or conversation. I would attribute this particular way of bringing up and ridiculing people for silly queries as the main cause for many amidst us who fear to talk openly to the customer, ask questions or seek clarifications in any part of the engagement, remain stoic when it comes to any of the wrong doings of any one (starting from the neighbor to the guy on the road to the Government of India). If we are given the right for freedom of speech as per our constitution, does that not include, right for freedom of asking questions?

I for one, encourage my teams and my children (as many as comes to their little minds) to ask questions. Not that I am able to answer all (or even most of their questions). But at least they would shed their shyness and not get into a shell and will not stay ignorant for the rest of their lives.

Mothers' second innings

As far as my observation goes, usually in middle-class families if the mother is educated, whether she was a star at school or a cipher, she ends up doing her education all over again along with her child. The number of times she goes through the education system is directly proportional to the number of “not-so-good-academically” kids that she bears.

In my own experience, I have been an above-average student at school. I have however, teased my brethren who could not perform as much as I could those days. Now I repent. You know, this is Kaliyuga. What you sow is what you will reap. I have a challenge now to handle. These were the thoughts that crossed my mind when my child did not show much academic inclination. Only to later discover, that whether one has mocked others for bad performance in studies or not, every mother who is educated, will have to go through this trauma of educating her children.

Mothers who do not go to work and those who are ‘smart’ have it easy. They can meet the teacher fraternity post school hours, do some apple-polishing, get the syllabus much ahead of time, stay in tune with whatever happened in school. Whereas these poor working mothers… they end up remotely managing the child after their school hours. By the time they reach home in the evenings after work, all the time is gone. End of the day, when the child is also as worn out as the mother, what could be the productivity?

She has to keep track of her children’s exams, timetable, schedules of other activities and everything else under the sky for her children. If she does not do all these, guilt will kill her live and early. Though it is believed that children of working mothers are far more independent, that is turning out to be a myth. Mothers’ guilt pampers the children so much that these children get the best of all the worlds!

In fact, many times I have come across working mothers discussing what their next exam is and when? I overheard one mother ask another, “Did your son have his Social Studies Cycle Test this week?”. For which the other mother said, “No, no. That is only next week. This week we studied Science. All about ‘Metals and non-Metals’ and ‘How Living Things work’ ”. She sported that proud grin on her face. “How is your daughter in studies now?” questions the second one. The first one replies, “She has improved but still a long way to go…” with that sad expression on her face as though the whole world is sinking.

These are not only lunch time conversations. We can hear these ramblings and ‘healthy’ transactions in every place where more than one mother meets the rest of her breed.

Again on keen observation the following facts come to light:

1) Fathers of these kids are all ‘angry’ men. If they are asked to handle these kids on their homework or exams, all hell breaks loose. The poor child gets beaten up and the father (if he is above 30) gets a BP rise! Damage control costs more for the mother now!

2) Most of these kids are boys. Usually, looks like girls are far more organized. Again there are exceptions everywhere.

3) Mothers expect their children to be “the best” in their class. So if he/she is a B grader, the expectation is clear…he/she should aim for an O+…

4) Last but not the least, the child in question never seems to realize or worry about why this entire struggle. With that innocent and captivating expression that only they can bring on their faces the apologies they ask for non-performance can melt any steel heart. What can mothers do but melt?

As a mother of one such child, sometimes sets me thinking, is all this trouble worth its salt?

Pranay - the life of our house...

After 10 years of having my first blessing in the form of a darling son, we were blessed for the second time with a son! We all were let down for a while about the fact that it was not a girl child which we really pined for. Then we came to terms and started focusing on this baby. We had not thought of a name for a boy. So, after searching the net and rounds and rounds of discussions (as though we were naming some important Government Operation), we finally liked and landed on the name 'Pranay' which means 'Love'. And lovable, he is...

Since then, the whole house revolves around this little soul...the way he is growing by the hour is just amazing. He is a darling for his "most-pampered-until-he-arrived" big brother. It is so nice to see the brothers cuddle, fight or play.

Until 5 months, he was such a dumb thing just coo-cooing and babbling. From his sixth month, his vocabulary and his actions and activities have taken a phenomenal leap. He talks and comprehends Mallu and Tamil. He communicates everything that happens around. He is just about 2 years now and he can converse so fluently and explain the happenings in his day. He takes us by total surprise when he shoots out the most apt word or phrase for the event that is unfolding in front of him.

He is so naughty that we had to pack up every possible thing that is on his reach in the house and keep it in the loft. I sometimes comment saying, "only left overs on the floor would be us!"
He sings almost all the recent filmi hits in Hindi, Mallu and Tamil, about 20 nursery rhymes and all the old Tamil numbers which I (try to) sing to put him to sleep. In fact, he recognizes personalities just after one introduction. He knows almost the entire male stars of the Mallu filmdom; Vijay, Surya are his Tamil bests; he identifies SRK and Aamir Khan; he also jumps when he sees the latest hero - Obama on screen/paper!

When he plays pranks and we try to give him a time-out, he tells us in turn to continue with our work whatever we are doing at that moment. That too, with a serious face!

If we shout at his elder brother for not studying, we are done! He quickly comes to his rescue. He also advises his elder brother politely by hugging him, "Abhi, paddi da, Abhi!" (meaning study well). That is a heart-rending scene to watch!

Overall, girl or boy, any baby is such a gift of the Almighty!