Ask (stupid) questions!

I remember being hushed in classes ever since my IV or V grades for asking questions that are ‘silly’. I have not stopped asking questions though. I had (and still have) this problem of asking whatever questions that come to my mind when a particular subject is being discussed. Many have advised me not to exploit my ignorance in public. But with every question’s answer sought, doesn’t that ignorance die away that moment? I have never felt shy of being ridiculed for my silly queries. I can’t remember admonishing my stupidity even once after asking a question.

There are also funny questions that I ask for which I really got teased by my friends and family. For example, in a textile store, to the salesman, many times I ask while purchasing clothes, “Will this cloth long last?” or “Will the color bleed out of the cloth?”. My hubby used to cross-question me once outside the shop, “What did you expect the salesman to tell you? Yes Ma’m, this cloth is the most horrible one you could select. It will tear the moment you bill. It will look bleached just after your first-wear and wash?” For which, though I would secretively laugh (but not feel embarrassed) at myself, I would quickly cover that up and say with a serious, straight face, “You see, when we ask such questions, the sales guy would know that I cannot be fooled. He will think that he has an alert customer to handle”, showing that proud grin but looking away from my hubby’s eyes, for I am sure that he would give such a sarcastic and a strong look which will discourage me from asking any questions in life to anybody after that.

Coming back to the main topic of discussion… in India (I can’t talk about other countries as much), right from one’s childhood, we are mocked for asking questions either because they are considered as not good manners or because the questions are silly. This kind of upbringing leaves Indians silent for most part of any transaction or conversation. I would attribute this particular way of bringing up and ridiculing people for silly queries as the main cause for many amidst us who fear to talk openly to the customer, ask questions or seek clarifications in any part of the engagement, remain stoic when it comes to any of the wrong doings of any one (starting from the neighbor to the guy on the road to the Government of India). If we are given the right for freedom of speech as per our constitution, does that not include, right for freedom of asking questions?

I for one, encourage my teams and my children (as many as comes to their little minds) to ask questions. Not that I am able to answer all (or even most of their questions). But at least they would shed their shyness and not get into a shell and will not stay ignorant for the rest of their lives.

Mothers' second innings

As far as my observation goes, usually in middle-class families if the mother is educated, whether she was a star at school or a cipher, she ends up doing her education all over again along with her child. The number of times she goes through the education system is directly proportional to the number of “not-so-good-academically” kids that she bears.

In my own experience, I have been an above-average student at school. I have however, teased my brethren who could not perform as much as I could those days. Now I repent. You know, this is Kaliyuga. What you sow is what you will reap. I have a challenge now to handle. These were the thoughts that crossed my mind when my child did not show much academic inclination. Only to later discover, that whether one has mocked others for bad performance in studies or not, every mother who is educated, will have to go through this trauma of educating her children.

Mothers who do not go to work and those who are ‘smart’ have it easy. They can meet the teacher fraternity post school hours, do some apple-polishing, get the syllabus much ahead of time, stay in tune with whatever happened in school. Whereas these poor working mothers… they end up remotely managing the child after their school hours. By the time they reach home in the evenings after work, all the time is gone. End of the day, when the child is also as worn out as the mother, what could be the productivity?

She has to keep track of her children’s exams, timetable, schedules of other activities and everything else under the sky for her children. If she does not do all these, guilt will kill her live and early. Though it is believed that children of working mothers are far more independent, that is turning out to be a myth. Mothers’ guilt pampers the children so much that these children get the best of all the worlds!

In fact, many times I have come across working mothers discussing what their next exam is and when? I overheard one mother ask another, “Did your son have his Social Studies Cycle Test this week?”. For which the other mother said, “No, no. That is only next week. This week we studied Science. All about ‘Metals and non-Metals’ and ‘How Living Things work’ ”. She sported that proud grin on her face. “How is your daughter in studies now?” questions the second one. The first one replies, “She has improved but still a long way to go…” with that sad expression on her face as though the whole world is sinking.

These are not only lunch time conversations. We can hear these ramblings and ‘healthy’ transactions in every place where more than one mother meets the rest of her breed.

Again on keen observation the following facts come to light:

1) Fathers of these kids are all ‘angry’ men. If they are asked to handle these kids on their homework or exams, all hell breaks loose. The poor child gets beaten up and the father (if he is above 30) gets a BP rise! Damage control costs more for the mother now!

2) Most of these kids are boys. Usually, looks like girls are far more organized. Again there are exceptions everywhere.

3) Mothers expect their children to be “the best” in their class. So if he/she is a B grader, the expectation is clear…he/she should aim for an O+…

4) Last but not the least, the child in question never seems to realize or worry about why this entire struggle. With that innocent and captivating expression that only they can bring on their faces the apologies they ask for non-performance can melt any steel heart. What can mothers do but melt?

As a mother of one such child, sometimes sets me thinking, is all this trouble worth its salt?

Pranay - the life of our house...

After 10 years of having my first blessing in the form of a darling son, we were blessed for the second time with a son! We all were let down for a while about the fact that it was not a girl child which we really pined for. Then we came to terms and started focusing on this baby. We had not thought of a name for a boy. So, after searching the net and rounds and rounds of discussions (as though we were naming some important Government Operation), we finally liked and landed on the name 'Pranay' which means 'Love'. And lovable, he is...

Since then, the whole house revolves around this little soul...the way he is growing by the hour is just amazing. He is a darling for his "most-pampered-until-he-arrived" big brother. It is so nice to see the brothers cuddle, fight or play.

Until 5 months, he was such a dumb thing just coo-cooing and babbling. From his sixth month, his vocabulary and his actions and activities have taken a phenomenal leap. He talks and comprehends Mallu and Tamil. He communicates everything that happens around. He is just about 2 years now and he can converse so fluently and explain the happenings in his day. He takes us by total surprise when he shoots out the most apt word or phrase for the event that is unfolding in front of him.

He is so naughty that we had to pack up every possible thing that is on his reach in the house and keep it in the loft. I sometimes comment saying, "only left overs on the floor would be us!"
He sings almost all the recent filmi hits in Hindi, Mallu and Tamil, about 20 nursery rhymes and all the old Tamil numbers which I (try to) sing to put him to sleep. In fact, he recognizes personalities just after one introduction. He knows almost the entire male stars of the Mallu filmdom; Vijay, Surya are his Tamil bests; he identifies SRK and Aamir Khan; he also jumps when he sees the latest hero - Obama on screen/paper!

When he plays pranks and we try to give him a time-out, he tells us in turn to continue with our work whatever we are doing at that moment. That too, with a serious face!

If we shout at his elder brother for not studying, we are done! He quickly comes to his rescue. He also advises his elder brother politely by hugging him, "Abhi, paddi da, Abhi!" (meaning study well). That is a heart-rending scene to watch!

Overall, girl or boy, any baby is such a gift of the Almighty!