I have always wondered why we
award a person posthumously. Just how does it matter? All commendations and
appreciations, I truly believe, must come in when the person is alive and is in
a condition to rejoice the attention and accolades. This lingering thought went
on until I was looking at the blogs that I had written. For people as close as
my father or father-in-law, I was never able to tell them what they meant to me
or the family, when they were alive. It has always been discussions and debates
with them without giving them any credit for all their struggle in making our
families. So, I thought, at least I will refrain from making these “posthumous
credits” for my surviving mother and mother-in-law. Two women who have made me
the person I am today in their own ways.
First about my mother…and in a
different sequel post about my mother-in-law.
How many times have you come
across a not-so-well-to-do family’s 5th or 6th child
being a star and an enterprising character wherever he/she goes? That too, in
the previous generations, a girl/woman being a star in a normal middle-class
TamBrahm family has been a rarity. She was born the 5th of the 8
siblings. Her mom did not want her and hence did not bother to christen her.
Her dad was a charismatic, different thinking, army man. He rejoiced the birth
of every child of his and this one was no different for him. He christened her
Jeeja Bai in respect of our national hero Shivaji’s mother who made Shivaji
immortal. He raised her more like a boy.
At the age of 5, when she went to
school, she failed in some subjects. But she came home cheering that she was
the “one & only” failure in her class. Her father did not chide her.
Instead he saw in her the rearing to be the “one & only”. So, he adviced
her on what failure meant. That was the last time she took pride in being a
failure. No looking back! Whatever she did from there on – she was definitely
the “one & only” to show that kind of a roaring result. Be it academics,
sports, dancing, singing, composing, handling her large family when her father
was deputed to the war front, raising her husband’s (yet another large family)
when she got married as the first daughter-in-law of the house…She has shown
how to excel in each of the tasks that she took up. All this not by being aggressive
but by being assertive and caring.
She has been the pillar of
support for men like my grandfather or my own father in times of crisis. She
has proven many a times that she is a born leader. Episodes in her younger days
where she has taken rapid decisions regarding her own brothers or sisters, are
testimony to her leadership abilities. Now, one may ask, what is the big deal
deciding for one’s own siblings? That is where she was different.
From a “not-so-well-to-do” family
she was married off to a “not-at-all-well-to-do” one. That poverty struck her
the day she entered my father’s house. Without a question, she gave away her
jewels to her hubby and asked him to pledge all that and fund the family for
their feed!!! Not just a question of magnanimity but also that decision-making
skill. She had given up a wonderful job as a Central Govt Officer to marry my
father only to start hunting for jobs post marriage. She landed only in mean
jobs – like a clerk or a teacher – which fetched her meagerly. In her own
words, even that was a big relief for that family of 9!
My father was the oldest of 6
siblings with aged parents. So, without any question, the family baton of
responsibilities was on him. He accepted willingly and more than him was my mom
on his side. She never ever thought of her own siblings or parents from the day
she became Mrs. Jeeja Bai. This continued until my father passed away. Her
vision was so aligned with my father’s! She was instrumental in getting his
family of 6 settling down in jobs, getting his sisters married off and then for
all the rituals that follow after the sisters are married off, taking very good
care of her parents-in-law…all this on top of her own 3 children who she wanted
in English Medium schools no matter what that meant monetarily. She earned
through extra tuitions to fund for her childrens’ education in English Medium.
Hardly have we seen her remain in
a bad mood. All of us get our mood swings. All of us get enraged with
situations or people. But the attitude of not keeping all this in mind all the
time and not allowing negative energy to persist was one of her best traits.
I can go on and on about this
amazing woman who I call my mother. But in one post to cover all her greatness
would be gross injustice to a leader and a mother like her. There will be
follow-up sequels to this post but each one covering just one episode which
will have valuable lessons to women of any age. So until the next one…signing
off!
