Silent weddings

Right from my childhood, weddings mainly meant a lot of noise & cacophony – noise in the form of people talking in loud decibels to beat the sound of a “nadhaswaram” and a “dhavil”; high pitches of people giving instructions and orders and seeking clarifications on the procedures; screaming and crying of at least a few dozen kids all over the place; music systems blasting in one end; songs and dances; laughter of young girls, tinkling of their anklets and chiming of their glass & gold bangles; sounds of religious chants/vedic hymns; cough bouts of old & sick people who are there to see their grand daughter/son married off; and the noise levels soar high…

Used to such high decibel fun, my own wedding was something I looked forward to. I was waiting for the previous evening’s dances and songs and all the various chit chats and laughter riots. Thankfully, my cousin did some dancing for a couple of the then Prabhu Deva numbers, the evening before my wedding. That was all! I assumed that since it was an inter-community wedding some aspects of cultural entertainment had been sacrificed. How would I know that mine was the noisiest wedding till date in the northern part of Kerala? Least did I imagine that life would be so different in this aspect after my marriage.

The past almost 20 years of married life, I would have been witness to more than a dozen marriages. What baffles me is that both the groom’s side and the girl’s side marriage events have been totally silent! Especially on the previous day, around 5ish in the evening, feasts are arranged in the respective houses of the groom and the bride. All the villagers & relatives flock to the house in very normal attires – no grand dressing anyone. Men & women, with their heads shining & shimmering because of the coconut-oil that they have applied, come in lungis and nighties (or probably cotton mundu saris), give a dumb, limited edition smile, eat snacks, sip tea, sit around, chat in lowest decibels possible, then eat dinner and…leave. People are fed to their hearts’ and stomachs’ fullest. It is such a no-noise affair…no live/channel music, nobody even hums a song, no dance, no mehandhi, no sangeeth, nothing at all!!! No event at all, forget gala. Huh! For a person like me, this is/was/has been quite boring. Actually, very boring! The only exciting thing is that the entire village assembles in the make-do kitchen in the backyard of the house to contribute their share to cooking the evening feast. On one side women will be mounting coconut shells after scraping them till their last element of flesh, on the other men get together to make some delicious food for the evening dinner. This one sight is worth a watch! This tells me what community means!

Back-tracking to the noise-levels…

Weddings are even worse. Two things people check out on the day of the wedding – (1) food (2) gold. How much does the girl carry? It is immaterial if she has the physical capacity to carry those heavy jewels. One bride has to be heavier than the other in this aspect. Other than these two things, there is absolutely nothing that excites people. The groom straight walks in and ties the mangalsutra in a “not-much-ado” fashion, very matter-of-factly and takes the bride and walks away. THAT IS ALL! No “getti melam” shouting, no mantras, no agni, no pheras, no bidayees, no tears, nothing L So disappointing! The crowds rush to the dining hall once the groom ties the holy(!) knot. Actually, it is not a knot. He hooks her with a golden chain. Done. Chained. Once again, a grand meal is served. This is the one & only highlight of any wedding. And people flock to the dining hall and eat as though they have starved for a week or beyond. This is the limit!

We decided! For our nephew’s wedding, we arranged for a grand welcome of the bride’s party. We had the traditional “chanda” drums beating away to glory. We got the nadaswaram and dhavil for the wedding. We shouted “getti melam”. Thus we created some noise and excitement around the place. Villagers were in total awe!

Next it was our niece’s wedding. We had a repeat of the above performance. Our heart is content almost now.

Still one small desire unfulfilled. Unable to create any excitement on the eve…now awaiting the next wedding in the family to see if we can bring in any difference to this event as well. I would like to abolish the use of coconut oil for the heads at least on the eve and the day of the weddings.

Not sure if there are any parts in India where weddings are this uneventful and silent. Probably, Keralites do not like noise pollution. This is the only state that does not celebrate Diwali! To that extent, I feel that probably their literacy tells them not to pollute the place in any manner? Which is a wonderful thing…however, aren’t weddings meant to be fun?