Unfulfilled dreams of a common man…

My childhood remembrances of my handsome-looking father are still fresh in my memory. I guess it will stay that way as long as I am alive. He used to tuck me in between his arms as he goes to sleep and treat me as a cushion! I was the only relatively chubby and plump child of my 3 siblings. And hence I got treated as the “pillow” for my father!

He was a man of principles. First son in a family of 6, from the time he was 13, he started shouldering quite a few responsibilities. He had an older father and an younger mother. His siblings treated him as Demigod. He was the one who had to raise them and tend to their needs.

He did that well and kept them under total control. To the extent, he used to sign the report cards of his siblings ever since the age of 19!

He had been a man very closed…a man who would not even confide in my mother. She loved him dearly and still loves him after 12 years of his death. But for some reason he kept to himself, especially his worries. He graduated when he was 19 and took up a job.

When my father brought my mom home after their marriage, my mother still says that she was shocked to see the poverty in the house. A small, petite house was the nest of 9 adults! The determined and enterprising woman my mother has/had been, she immediately made up her mind to support him until the last. And, she did!

He wanted to pursue his Chartered Accountancy. He failed many times. As many as 10 times? Or may be more? But with perseverance he completed his ACS. And he did get a decent offer from one of the best companies at that time. By then he was 32. Then his climb started.

His other interest was theatres. In fact, he kind of injected that passion of his, onto all his 3 children. He was an amazing theatre artist who never got a professional break in theatres. He also was quite talented in script-writing. Looking back, I am simply amazed at what passion can do for a man!

So, with a demanding personal life filled with monetary challenges and sibling worries, he had to manage his professional life and also feed his passion. But not for my mother, I doubt if he would have been so successful.

He had a huge fan-following in his professional circles. He was elected President in the same institute for ACS professionals - the exams of which he failed so many times. Isn’t that a superb feat? He also started conducting classes for aspiring ACS students.

The biggest downside was, as much as he worked for in professional life, he never heeded to nature’s signals on his health. He was disciplined and had no bad practices. However, as my brother puts it, he also did not have any good practices. He never used to work out. He soon was diagnosed diabetic. He was 45 then!

By this time, his siblings had more or less settled though they kept looking up to him for any of their own personal/professional life hurdles. But at this stage his children became his source for worries. We were good children but life played havoc in my sister’s marital life. My brother was not inclined in academically qualifying himself. And, for myself, I did the most daring thing of finding my life-partner which was a huge shock to my father. He had been an orthodox person all through and I had chosen a person he could not agree to. Though eventually he gave in and liked my choice, the initial days were filled with trauma both for me and for my parents.

At the age of 56, he was diagnosed with kidney failure. Both his kidneys had failed. It was my mother’s sheer grit that he pulled through for 2 years from there on. He was in a pretty sad condition but what kept him going at that stage of health was the fact that he had gotten an offer to do a TV soap for one of the good theatre groups of that time. Sometimes, this sets me thinking…why did he not get this opportunity when he was full of verve and energy?

He died at the age of 58, on the way to the hospital!

He always wanted a life where he would not worry of any domestic issues, monetary challenges, siblings' problems, children’s future…he wanted to reach the pinnacle of his career as the CEO of a decent-sized firm (he quit at 56 when he was the Senior VP)…he always wanted to be a professional theatre person…he wanted to play with his grand-children….he wanted to drop them at school, pick them up, help them with their homework, teach them all the prayers that he knew! In a nutshell, he wanted a successful career and a peaceful retired life.

But why did God choose to give him everything partially? We, at home, know for the fact that he did not deserve to die that young and incomplete! Can we complain?